Supporting a Loved One with an Eating Disorder: 4 Powerful Ways Families Can Help Recovery
- Mar 10
- 4 min read
by Deirdre Reddan
I well remember the fear and trepidation I felt when my daughter came home from inpatient treatment for an eating disorder. How would I manage mealtimes? Was I strong enough to support her recovery? Did I have the skills to help someone with an eating disorder at home?
I had read many books about eating disorders and recovery, but I still wondered whether I would truly be able to support my daughter through this journey.
Then I had the opportunity to learn the same skills that eating disorder therapists and clinicians use when supporting families. Learning practical strategies for supporting a loved one with an eating disorder made an enormous difference to her recovery.
Ultimately, that experience led me to the work I do today, supporting families and caregivers who are helping someone recover from an eating disorder. It is incredibly rewarding and meaningful work, although it can also be challenging at times.
So why does family support matter so much in eating disorder recovery?
The Impact of Eating Disorders on the Whole Family
When an eating disorder develops in a family, it can feel like a bomb going off. The impact is felt by everyone.
Parents, partners, siblings and close friends often feel as though they have landed on another, hostile planet. Many families describe feeling like they are walking on eggshells, worried about saying the wrong thing, unsure of what to say, and overwhelmed by fear and frustration.
Naturally, most of the focus goes to the person with the illness. Families work to find professional help, put a treatment team in place and support their loved one through treatment.
But where does that leave the rest of the family?
Very often it leaves them without the knowledge, guidance and skills needed to support eating disorder recovery at home.
Without support, families may unintentionally say things that make recovery harder or accommodate the eating disorder rather than helping their loved one challenge it.
Knowledge truly is power.
We believe strongly that families are often the hidden and untapped superpower in eating disorder recovery.
Research supports this idea. Positive family engagement can lead to better outcomes, including fewer relapses, longer periods between relapses, fewer hospital admissions, shorter inpatient stays and improved adherence to treatment plans.
Despite this evidence, families are often not offered enough support. This is particularly true for families of adults with eating disorders.
When we talk about family, we use the word broadly. Family can include parents, partners, siblings, relatives and close friends who are supporting someone with an eating disorder.
So how can families make a positive difference?
Here are four important ways.
1. Educate Yourself About Eating Disorders
The first thing I always tell families is to be gentle with themselves and with their loved one.
Your loved one did not choose to develop an eating disorder.
Families do not cause eating disorders.
Most families have never faced a situation like this before, so it is completely understandable to feel overwhelmed or unsure about what to do.
Learning about eating disorders and understanding how the illness works can make a huge difference.
It can help families see that this behaviour is not their loved one at their healthiest self, but the illness speaking.
Education allows families to respond with greater compassion and confidence.
2. Learn Practical Skills to Support Recovery
Information is important, but families can also learn practical skills to support recovery.
There are 168 hours in a week.
If your loved one is receiving outpatient treatment, they may spend one hour with a therapist and perhaps another hour with a dietitian.
That leaves many hours at home.
The more skills and knowledge families have, the more effectively they can support recovery in everyday life, particularly around mealtimes, communication and emotional regulation.
That is why we focus on teaching practical strategies and tools for families who are supporting someone with an eating disorder.
Sometimes families say something with the best of intentions that unintentionally triggers the eating disorder.
When we learn how to communicate in ways that support recovery, it can make an enormous difference.
3. Take Care of Yourself as a Caregiver
Supporting someone with an eating disorder can be incredibly overwhelming.
Parents and caregivers often find themselves asking difficult questions.
Will they ever recover? How long will this take? Will they live with this illness forever? Is this somehow my fault?
In the middle of all this fear and uncertainty, caregivers often forget to care for themselves.
Yet caregiver wellbeing is essential in eating disorder recovery.
Recovery is often more like a marathon than a sprint. An exhausted caregiver cannot provide the steady, calm support that their loved one needs.
Looking after yourself is not selfish. It is necessary.
When caregivers learn to regulate their own emotions and maintain their wellbeing, they also help their loved one stay calmer.
This process is known as emotional co regulation and it is one of the most powerful tools families can use.
4. Advocate for Your Loved One
Families are the true experts on their loved ones.
You know their personality, their preferences and the things that bring them joy. This knowledge can be incredibly valuable in treatment and recovery.
Families should feel empowered to advocate for their loved one as part of the treatment team.
You may know which foods they enjoyed before the illness developed, what routines help them feel safe or what approaches are most likely to work. This can be especially important when a loved one is neurodivergent.
Even when it does not feel like it, focusing on moments of joy and connection can play an important role in recovery.
Families have an important voice in the recovery journey. As your loved one's strongest supporter, advocating for their needs can make a meaningful difference.
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